What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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