I think i peed on brittanys purse
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
