He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
