Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
