Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
