I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
