3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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