this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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