Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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