Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
