Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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