the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
