we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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