where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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