I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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