it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
