just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
