why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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