saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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