Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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