So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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