he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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