My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
