Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
