it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
