I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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