I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
