His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You took a bar mat shot.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
