dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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