He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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