Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
