Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
