My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
