my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
