when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
