the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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