They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
