Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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