I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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