Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Come share oat with me in your robe
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
