Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
