The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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