i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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