Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
