K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My nipple is on Facebook.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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