I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
