New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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