Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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