I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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