Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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