How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
