I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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