I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
