i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
