Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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