you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
