youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
