UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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