I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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