you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
