On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize