bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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