Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
