sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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