OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's Friday. Sex?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
