Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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