Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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