That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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