God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
