How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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