Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
