My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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